Oooh, Father-in-Law’s birthday?I’ve got the perfect gift.

 

 
That's right, it's just that simple. Ripped from the pages of the always-cutting-edge deviantART.com, Virtual Hamster is a 21st Century hamster raising scenario.
 

ViceSonny Justice was calm in his Ferrari, parked across the street from the hottest video store in town. It was almost time to move in.

I Can’t Believe They’re Making Me Work On My BirthdayNo presents. No cake. There isn’t even anyone here. Sigh. Another year alone, I guess.

Live BaitSorry, HP. I’m observing a one-man Blu-Ray boycott until Hollywood wakes up and gives us an HD reissue of the greatest flying-carnivorous-fish movie ever made.

The spirit of Jackson Pollock in flash game form, or paintball without guns? The object of Splatz is to burst your red paint blobs where they'll take out the maximum number of blue paint blobs. I finished it in 78 retries, almost all of them on the Satanically diabolically final level. It was more fun than watching paint dry. (Sorry.)
 

Join the TomTom ClubJust where do you think you’re going?OK, you’ve probably seen TomTom’s model XL 340S out there in your travels across this great land of ours. By which we mean “on your way to the liquor store.” It’s a perfectly handy little satellite navigat-a-mo-bob, and you could do a lot worse.

The year is 1835. One Sir Albert Pendelton discovers low temperature fusion. Now all machines can be powered by… okay, we'll level with you. There are a lot of people who will get scared away if we say the word "steampunk" right now. So, instead, we're going to go right to the part where Steambirds is a turn-based airplane duel game, and boy, is it fun.
 

We'll leave it to the critics to argue the finer points of the mashup on Wikipedia (even though we must say that we don't always agree with that particular article right there). But even the broadest definition accepts that the mashup is just about ten years old. So what a great time to be at the head of "Mashup Retro", a label we've just created right now! Here's just a taste to start you off.
 

Ask Me About Our Cameras“Excuse me. I was just looking at this camera and I was hoping you might be able to tell me a little more about it.”“Sure, sir. How can I help you?”
“See, I’ve had my previous camera for a really long time now and I was hoping to upgrade to something a little more portable and modern…”

As somebody who's been going to the big Consumer Electronics Show for four years now - and honestly it feels like far longer than that - I found BoingBoing's report from Nepal's biggest tech show pretty fascinating. For one thing, in a country without reliable electrical service, generators are big business. Indeed, the Sony booth was lit with the help of giant aluminum-foil reflectors.

I was checking my profile on Stache Passions recently when I realized my wife would be pretty upset if she knew I was looking for women who appreciate mustaches.

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

Deductions And SandThrough there, accountant. Step onto the holy ground. Your Dominus commands it of you."Um… hello? I'm Melvin? The accountant you asked for? I didn't think we'd be meeting in some… is this a sand pit? I'm used to an office, but I guess we could work anywhere, as long as… hello?"

While you may feel one way or the other about the band OK Go, one thing that can not be denied is their knack for making some pretty amazing videos. The newest video for the song "This Too Shall Pass" is no exception. Check out the mad Rube Goldberg action in the below video.
 

He's the unsung hero of backyard baseball. He's the reason kids can play a quick two-on-two. He's the Ghost Man, and he spends his summers lurking on third base, just waiting for the chance to run for home. But what does he do in winter? How does he stay in shape?
 

 

We're throwing a bash! We're raiding our stash!
We're in a mad dash to get smashed on Hoo Hash!
Too bad it's Tuesday, a sad turn of fate.
Because tomorrow we work so we can't stay out late!

At the Zumblezay track we have saved room for five,
But you must not be sozzled or they won't let you drive.
Let the Jing Tinglers jingle and the Blum Bloopers bloop!
These toys are too fantamabalous for Kids.Woot!

Before we take a drink,
I think,
I think,

Being sick sucks; there's just no way around it. What would you do, though, if you were so sick you found yourself in a quarantine? I mean, at first it sounds kind of awesome: you'll get to catch up on your Netflix queue, surf the net, and sleep for a few days.

But what if your quarantine wound up being, say, two and a half months?  You might at some point stop enjoying Mighty Boosh re-runs and wishing you could see something other than four eggshell-colored walls under fluorescent lighting. You might even go nuts.

Not A Belly-ItcherThank you for shopping at FastQuikStop Gas ‘n’ Stuff. Ah, the beef-and-jalapeño taquitos. Excellent choice. But may I make a suggestion?

Here at Woot we like to stay abreast of current events and issues that may affect you, our loyal-despite-being-perpetually-disgruntled audience. This weekend we sat down with Staff Writers Scott Lydon and Randy Cleveland to get a quick take on some of the issues in the news.

Hi, Dad, I’m In JailThere’s a big problem in this digital world. When you get arrested… who do you call?

25 inches isn’t so bad.Most members of the family Varanidae grow upwards of four feet long.

You Know They’re Coming For You AnywayShouldn’t you leave your family a message when the aliens finally take you?

In the upcoming year, our resolution is to get to know our community a little better. What you like, what you dislike, who you are. We've learned from talking to you, there's a lot to enjoy by meeting our community!

Ashes To DysonHoward! Oh, my dear Howard! I thought I’d never see you again! Thank God for the Dyson DC24’s clear debris bin.

Promotional Considerations Provided By:That wraps up another episode of the Woot-Off. But we’ve got a lovely parting gift for our contestants! Tell us about it, Bill!

Wait, they still make those things?No games? No apps? No way.What archeological dig did you stumble across to purchase a refurbished Sony Network Walkman 1GB mp3 Player? And one whole gig, eh? What’s that, about 695 songs, give or take? Yeah, that’s what I’d guess.

When I Say DanceYOU BEST DANCE, MR. SNOWMANDANCE
DANCE, MR. SNOWMAN, DANCE
DANCE, MR. SNOWMAN, DANCE
DANCE, MR. SNOWMAN, DANCE

We Always Wanted To Go To Law SchoolWhen you see a kitten try to attack, you might say “Aw, what an adorable little charge that kitten is making right now!” Look, we’re on a deadline, just play along.

Dat Da Da, Dat Da Da, Dat Da Da Dat DaaHow do you recapture the feeling of watching old pros comment on current players? With 16 bit graphics!